Happiness is a Choice, Not a By-product

We’ve discussed this topic on this blog before, but it’s one that I’ve been inspired to write about again. It’s so common for people to assign things, people, and circumstances as the determining factor in their happiness. They think that once this or that happens, they’ll be happy. They believe that their happiness, confidence, and life’s purpose hinges on other people’s opinions or feelings. They allow themselves to get discouraged by other people’s responses, but remember YOU ARE COMPLETE!

The only one who can determine your happiness is yourself—no one else. You do not require someone else’s approval for the choices you make. Your life purpose is a calling made to you alone and you’re the only one capable of pulling it off.

Can you imagine if a doctor who treated a loved one was discouraged by family members or friends? Maybe they would have given up because of all the long hours involved in receiving their education. What if they decided it wasn’t worth it, because of other people’s opinion, and got a job at a department store? Maybe your loved one never would have found the same treatment with someone else.

Can you imagine if artists never painted? Writers never wrote? Singers never sang? And the list goes on. The world would be a very dull place. Not to mention one that was crippled and didn’t function properly.

Think too of those who were pioneers in their field. The Wright brothers who invented the airplane. The world at that time probably thought they were crazy. What about Graham Bell who invented the phone? Or Thomas Edison who invented the light bulb? What if the Internet was never invented?

Are you getting the point? You are vital to this world. Your life purpose was gifted to YOU for YOU to share with others. Please, choose happiness—it only belongs to you—and live your purpose.

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CAROLYN ARNOLD is the author of several published novels, including her best-selling Madison Knight series. Her love for writing dates back to her teen years, but it was only in recent years that she was reunited with this love to pursue it with career passion.

www.carolynarnold.net

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Trust the Universe

Place your order with the Universe and TRUST you will receive.

Maybe that sounds simple? You’re hyped up on all that you’ve learned about the Law of Attraction—how everything you want is at the tip of your fingers if only you want it and feel it strongly enough. However, when time passes and you’ve been saying your affirmations, taking time to BE, and well, the results don’t seem to be happening fast enough, the trust factor in the Universe may become a little more difficult. If you’re finding this to be the case for you, don’t worry you’re not alone. I’ve gone through the same experience and I’m sure most people have.

There are a few things to remember, though. One, you will be provided exactly what you need when you need it. This isn’t always the same as when you think you need it. Second, you may have a chance to examine what you really want. It’s possible your desires have changed. Third, the Universal Law is always working.

Have you heard of the man who stumbled upon a large gold mine? In the book, Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill he shares the real life story off R.U. Darby. He set out west with the full purpose of striking it rich. It turns out, he did find gold. He was able to obtain investors and got the necessary equipment to mine the gold. He made back all the expenses and more. Things were going great—until there was no more gold. Eventually, he gave up. He sold the machinery to a junk man for a few hundred dollars and went back home.

This junk man called in a mining engineer for his expertise. This professional was able to advise based upon fault lines and predicted that if they started digging in a specific place, they would strike gold. But it’s what happens next that provides a solid lesson for all of us. The location where they found the gold was only three feet away from where Darby had stopped digging! The junk man became a multimillionaire.

The lessons? While there may be many in this account, I take out two things. 1) Seek advice and guidance from those who have both the experience and knowledge, and 2) persevere.

Maybe your goals involve something that seems out of reach to you. What are you doing about it? Are you just sitting back and waiting or are you actively following inspired action? Do you avail yourself of those around you who could help you? You could fear rejection, but remember rejection is a myth—nothing more. You can only gain by asking for someone’s help. If they say no, you are no further behind. Are you requesting that the right people come into your life? It’s also possible they are already in place and you had no idea. Open your eyes and trust your heart, trust the Universe.

The second lesson is all about persevering. If we have goals and desires we don’t give up. I’ve heard it said many times in my journey that so many give up when the Universe was just about to deliver their desires. In effect, these people were three feet from gold! Expand on this. If you had a crystal ball and could see the future, it’s quite possible the fulfillment of all your dreams is right around the corner. Are you going to stop trusting in the Universe because you can’t make it a while longer? If you are willing to stop, it doesn’t mean you don’t truly want what you’re after. You could be discouraged, but as noted earlier in this article, it’s also a good time to reassess what you want. When you know that you want something, with every fiber of your being, you won’t let anything stop you for working toward it.*

Lisa Nichols put it a good way in a recent webinar. I don’t recall the exact wording, but I derived the point.

Think of yourself as being in a restaurant with friends. You place your order and then what do you do? Do you spend the next while taking about your upcoming meal repeatedly, as if worried that it won’t show up? Do you think that when your meal comes, instead of it being the steak you ordered, it’s going to be fish?

Nonsense. You expect to receive the meal you ordered. You spend the time, waiting, enjoying a nice glass of wine and friendly conversation.

The Universe is like that waiter. Give it your order and then sit back (enjoy the wine) and wait for it.

I share this analogy because I’ve pulled on it a few times since I heard her say it. It gives a clear image of how the Law of Attraction works. In expanding on the thought, when it comes to your Universal wish list, the waiting for it can also mean inspirational ideas and actions you need to take. (Truly, this subject matter could be expanded on in many posts. Simply look at all the books on the subject.)

With all of this said, there are still times that negative thinking can creep in—how do you handle it? Do you try to quickly turning it around? In my next article, I’ll share with you why this is a dangerous thing.

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CAROLYN ARNOLD is the author of several published novels, including her best-selling Madison Knight series. Her love for writing dates back to her teen years, but it was only in recent years that she was reunited with this love to pursue it with career passion.

www.carolynarnold.net

~~

*If you're looking for a good movie that shows how both BEing, having fun, and being determined are key ingredients for success, I recommend Million Dollar Arm.

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Sunday Inspiration from USA Today Bestselling Author @Rebecca_Forster

I firmly believe that people come into your life for a reason. Not everyone is a person of importance in the grand scheme of things. Some simply pass a word as you wait in line or give you a smile on the street. These small courtesies can change a moment, even a day. Then there are the other people who enter your life with purpose and change it without you realizing it.

My husband is one of those people. We were the "When Harry met Sally" couple. A little oil and water, a little firecracker meets slow smolder. Yet, we married and have been joined at the hip for 37 years. For the first fourteen of those years, I was an advertising executive. My wardrobe consisted of sincere suits and brief cases; I traveled more than I was home. I started writing on a dare. I laughed in disbelief when my first book was published. My husband took me out to dinner to celebrate but he wasn't laughing, he was beaming. Somewhere along the way writing became my calling. I went from corporate to creative and received no resistance from him. I agonized over the difficulty of getting my work noticed. I worried about money since I had quit my career in the hopes of making a living writing. I promoted and wrote and cried and wondered what in the heck I was doing. I was not, after all, a writer. I just had some good luck with publishing my early books.

Then Keeping Counsel hit the USA Today bestseller list. I wanted to hear my husband say, "I can't believe it"; instead, he said, "no surprise".  I realized in that moment while I had changed as I pursued that elusive acceptance as an author, he had not. He constancy allowed me to take baby steps and then flight, his surety in my abilities made it possible for me to continue to push for - if not excellence - solid growth with each book. In his wisdom, he realized all the self-examination and tears were just expressions of someone feeling their way through unknown territory. And, in his kindness, when I that book hit a bestseller list, his pleasure at my success was selfless.

While we spoke of all the serendipitous things that came together to make Keeping Counsel a bestseller - a wonderful editor, booksellers who plucked it off the wall to give to customers, reviewers who gave it solid ratings, and readers who gave my work a shot - I realized what had really changed my life was not a list or the publication of a book but my husband's unwavering willingness to walk a road that was not one of his own choosing.

I wish every author the success of a bestselling book, but what I truly hope is that they will find that one person who believes in what they are doing. That's all any creative person needs to grow and succeed. That is what is life changing.

-- USA Today and Amazon bestselling author Rebecca Forster www.rebeccaforster.com

How Can I?

Along the way we meet many friends that teach us a great deal.  I often re-remember a teaching of my good friend and life/career coach, Brian.  I remember one occasion I said to him about an upcoming event, “I can’t come.”  He said back to me, “If you want to, why not ask, how can I?” 

Quite often we will make a blanket statement about our situation, feelings, etc. to ourselves and others.  With a statement, our minds are closed with no room for other possibilities.   It is a fact, a done deal, so-to-speak.  But what if there is something we truly want, should we give up on it so quickly?

As in the above example, we want to go and have fun with a group of friends and our responsibilities on the surface, seem to be stopping us.  Asking the question, “How can I?” opens up the possibilities.  Our brain has been given a task, a problem to solve.  It is very good at it!  Suddenly, it gives us all kinds of ideas on how to make something happen.

In the context of grieving over a loss in our life, we have talked in detail about honoring the grieving process.  With understanding, compassion, self-love, and gently allowing ourselves to experience the steps we need to go through.  All of this is very important, with each person taking the time they need.  Eventually, we begin to notice that we no longer want to feel this way.  We recognize that this event can no longer be a determining factor of our happiness.  We are ready to move forward. 

For a long time we may even say, if only to ourselves, “I can’t let that go!”  Then one day, when we are ready, we will ask ourselves “How can I?”  Look out because when we ask this question, our whole life begins to change!  Our mind responds with ideas, people around us speak randomly about tools and tips; teachers, books, radio, television, internet articles and more come into our awareness with great speed and ease!

The question “How can I?” can be applied to every aspect of our life.  The question has the power to orchestrate the world around us, bringing us the people and resources we need to reach our goal.  It is as if the people and things around us are puppets on a string, waiting to come into our path at just the right moment.

All we did is change our mind, moving from a closed stand on the subject, to being open to possibilities; possibilities for growth, self-discovery and healing on all levels.  By opening to these new ways, we begin to lovingly take back our power; the power to create our life with more joy than we could have imagined.

When we recognize that this has happened many times in our life already and will continue to happen with grace and ease, our heart overflows with gratitude for the masterpiece that is our life!

~ Sherry Buikema

Letting Go

One of the hardest things in this life is the balancing of priorities with our dreams and desires. But it doesn’t have to be this way. We can let go and allow ourselves to be. We are ultimately the sole deciding factor in life’s equation. 

Yes, there are times when things happen in our lives outside our control. We feel pulled this way and that, like we are a piece of fabric blowing in the wind, but what if our life lesson in this moment is to learn to let go? To go with the flow? To follow the prodding of our heart and soul?

There will be many excuses, maybe even valid obligations that prevent you from doing what would ultimately feed your soul, but you have to take advantage of the nudges you feel to follow your soul’s path. This is for your healing, your discovery, your ultimate wellbeing.

You know what? It’s okay to surrender, it’s okay to drop things and go off last minute if you are following a direction the Universe is pointing you in. When you do, this is when miracles happen. You uncover your truth, your purpose, your divine path—and you’re the only one that can live yours for you.

Embrace your inner beauty, your magnetic draw to a place, person, thing, or hobby. You are being pulled to your destination for a goal. You might not even know what that is, but trust me, it will be made known in time.

I follow my own advice. I’m writing this article from my sister’s great room, what she has labeled her healing room. I do give it that ability. The energy and the beautiful surroundings, the wind singing in the trees resonates through every fiber in my being, lifting me up to a more spiritual plane of existence.  And I wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for following an inner nudge. You see, going back 48 hours I didn’t even know I would be here. I booked train tickets last minute to come down, but I had been mentioning coming here for weeks. It built up inside me to the point where I could no longer ignore the prompting of the Universe.

Now, I’m here? I know that it was my purpose at this point in my life. It reminded both myself and my sister that, you know what, it’s okay to slow down a bit, take life as it comes, exist in the now. This is my first morning waking up here and it’s not even noon and I’ve experienced enlightenment and healing.

I feel completely blessed that I am even but a visitor, and welcome guest in her home and to her property. Nature holds the key to healing, to taking the blur of our lives and slowing it down to a frame-by-frame snapshot. You don’t always get that ability in the city. There’s the hurried pace of making a living, traffic, and distraction with media. Yet, with this said, even when surrounded by the beauty of nature, one can allow themselves to become deviated from their course if they are not careful.  We all need to remember to breathe, to follow our inner nudges. Trust me, even from this experience so far, this getaway is exactly what my soul needed.

Building Confidence from the Inside Out!

If I asked you to name off ten things you don't like about yourself, how long would it take to complete the list?  Depending on where you on with your journey, it may be seconds, or might still be looking at me and still have a blank page minutes later.

But take heart! If you jotted down a bunch of negative things off the hop, don't worry! You are perfect! You are beautiful! And you're reading the right post!

As part of my exploration I wrote down a few items that I didn't like about myself. I realized as I analyzed them there wasn't one thing on the list that I couldn't change. My largest item on that list (in fact the only thing I even remember now) was my weight. See I used to be a skinny little thing but I allowed stress of life and depression to sway my self-worth. I gained weight.  But does the scale define who I am?  Absolutely not!

Maybe your list includes things that are not easily changed. You have freckles and you hate them, or you have a slit limp when you walk. So what? Really, what does it matter over all? In fact these things that you dislike give you character and add uniqueness. They make you, you, and that's the best person you can be!

So how do you go from hating (or disliking) things about yourself to loving and accepting yourself as you are? Immediately stop the negative self-talk! Don't comment, even to family, friends, or coworkers about this characteristic you dislike about yourself. Each time you say things like this your brain, your soul, hears that it is in insignificant in some way, that you are less than worthy. It effects your feelings of self-worth and distorts your image of self.

For me, I found the foremost thing that helped was shutting down this negative commentary. I realized I am loved, that I am beautiful no matter what form or shape I'm currently in. I don't see myself as overweight or fat (what a horrible word!). I see myself as beautiful.

It's even easier to see the transformation as I look back--how I went from feeling the extra weight--to just 'being', loving and accepting of myself. I used to make comments about 'oh when I was lighter', or 'when I was in better shape,' and I know there are a bunch I am forgetting. If you're going through trying to lose weight, you can empathize with the feelings of 'when I lose weight.' This thinking tells you that you don't deserve happiness 'until.' No, you deserve happiness now!

Why not run this experiment yourself, focusing on your energy shift? Say a negative comment about yourself.  Feel that pull you down? Now say something positive and loving, believe it. Experience the lift of emotion--that's your shining soul dying to break through! Reach for it and pull it out. :)

Gratitude - Unlock Your Dreams

Gratitude has been referred to as 'magic.' Here's a question, do you believe in magic?

As a kid you likely had faith in the existence of Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, elves, and so on. As an adult, you believe in two certainties--death and taxes.

Wow! Somewhere along the way we lost the spark of living. How can we get it back?  In one word--gratitude.

But is the concept of gratitude as easy as it might sound? It is, but it needs to be sincere, it needs to carry deep feeling behind it. Just as saying 'I love you' to someone means nothing without a demonstration of this emotion. Or we thank someone for a gift but then toss it aside. Does that give the impression we're grateful for what we received?

Well, when it comes to the law of attraction, it is important that we are truly grateful for the good we already have in life. However, what is at the root of this gratitude? Is it simply a monotone gesture to the universe, 'oh yeah, thanks' or is it a resounding, 'Wow! Thank you!'

It's important that we resonate with the latter scenario. By making a list of things we are thankful for every day, we shift our thinking to the positive, toward what we want in life. We begin to attract more of this into our life.

You Have Blue Hair

If I told you that you have blue hair, how would you respond? Would you start to see hues of blue in your blonde? Would you second-guess your hair color? Or would you more likely emphatically tell me I’m color blind?

Unless you literally do have blue hair (which is possible) you would likely tell me I’m crazy.

Well, then, why is it when we’re hurting we allow what people say to affect us, to warp our sense of self, to redefine who we are?

Unfortunately, when we’re hurting all of the negative floods our thinking. We don’t think it’s possible to see through the pessimistic haze. I’m here to give you hope. You can. In fact you can do anything you put your mind to. Of course, you can’t fly by flapping your arms, so I guess we do have some limitations, but not many.

Think of it this way. When you’re sad, hurt, angry, or experiencing any emotions that tear you down, what is really affected? If you answered your ego, you are correct.  So to feel better, we have to separate ourselves from our ego, or image of self.

How can we do that? Live in the now. In other words, find peace in a tranquil state. If you meditate, meditate. If you just allow yourself to ‘be’, do that.

See, when we go still, we allow the other things to wash away. We realize that actions by others, the emotions we’re feeling, they don’t define us. We acknowledge that we’re greater than what we’re undergoing.

You can also use past experience to help you heal. Refer to your journal (if you haven’t started one, it’s a great aid) and recognize if you’ve been through similar situations. Think about how you handled it and moved forward. What would you do differently? If the same scenarios keep coming up in your life, you may be attracting them to you. What can you do to change this? Think about it. Analyze it.

In your journey to self-discovery you’ve likely uncovered things that make you happy. Take the time to immerse yourself in these activities. (See the post, Remembering to Play.) If the negative comments of others, or even self-talk, natter away at you, release them from your body. 

There have been times I’ve actually ‘swept’ my arms out from my body while saying “I release the negative’’ followed by a deep breath in and the words “I embrace the positive.” I discovered this mantra on my own and it proved to be very helpful for me. You always know it is what you need when energy tremors through you.

Another useful tool is to read positive feedback or comments you may have received. As an author this has been favorable reviews, emails from readers, comments in-person, but it can also be something like a photograph that spurs a happy memory.

Just remember this, if someone tells you that your hair is blue and it is clearly blonde, laugh and move on--SHINE! :D

Do You Want to Be Somebody?

Do look to another point in time to define you.

How often have you heard people talk animatedly about their future--what they’re going to do, what they’re going to have, who they’re going to be?  Isn’t it true if you listen, most of us have been guilty of talking about the future as if it’s already here?

Now, while it’s great to have goals, to have a vision of what you want, remember that possessions and wealth, and other so called “successes” in life, don’t define who you are.

It’s dangerous if we allow ourselves to think, ‘oh, I’ll really be somebody when.’ I have terrific news for you.  You already are somebody and you’re great! In fact, you are perfect. You are where you need to be at this point in your life.  Of course it’s harder to accept this when we’re undergoing trying or hurtful periods in our life, maybe you’ve recently lost your job for example.

If this describes your situation, maybe you now have the opportunity to go into business for yourself? Maybe you’re going to turn a hobby into a way to make living? The possibilities are endless if you open yourself up to them.

No matter what, turn what initially strikes you as a negative occurrence and flip it on its head.

See, the thing is, when you start saying, or even thinking, that you won’t be ‘somebody’ or a success until... you create a belief system within yourself.  This belief has limiting affects on your self-worth and your potential.  By attributing success and happiness to an envisioned future event, you’re losing out on the now.

Think of it this way, how many times have you said in your life ‘time flies’ or ‘I can’t believe it’s already the end of another month.’ On the flip-side, how many times do you hear yourself say ‘I can’t wait until the weekend.’

Stop.

Breathe in the now.

Embrace who you are as a powerful being.

Always remember YOU ARE SOMEBODY--NOW.

Keep shining!