We’re familiar with the fact that we can control the outcome
to most situations.* Even if we’re not in direct control, we have the choice to
react how we want. These reactions, in turn, create new outcomes. While it
would be completely exhausting and tiring to analyze every single event in our
life, breaking it down, and deciding how to respond, if we want to reach a
desired outcome we have to give it attention. We have to give it thought.
So often in the world around us, people act without
thinking. They speak or take action with little, or no, thought about its
affect on other people. Many reason ‘well they can take it however they like.’ However, what sort of attitude is that?
If you are on a new course of enlightenment, of self-discovery,
your aim will never be guided by malicious or selfish intention. You appreciate
how precious life is and how every person is due a level of respect. We are,
after all, sentient beings not to be labeled by transitory terms of
description.
There are, however, times when we find ourselves in a
situation which is the outcome of something we’ve created in our past. This may
not even be an action or something we said on purpose. Maybe it was never
intended to hurt this other person but they have built the ‘event’ in their
minds and are so wounded by it that they lash out at us. This creates new pain
for us. How can we can deal with this?
One, remember that you are not perfect. (Yes, I know I’m
going against all modern philosophy on this matter.) But no one is in control
of their thoughts, their words, their actions 100% of the time. It would be
impossible. There are times we in the
heat of a moment and respond birthed from emotion. We’re not thinking logically
in these moments. When our guard slips,
this is when we can hurt others unintentionally.
However, the times when we are under pressure is when we
need to focus. These moments, the ones where we’re affected the most emotionally,
are the times we need to analyze the outcome.
Words have the ability to strike the heart and deflate
ambitions, cause depression, and in extreme cases bullying with words (and/or
action) have led some to commit suicide.
Needless to say we would never want to be a contributing factor to
someone taking their life!
What if you find out you hurt someone by your words or actions?
Approach them with the goal of peacefully resolving the issue that spurned the
response. Apologize.
What if you think you
hurt someone? What does it hurt to approach them? Reach out to them. Show
interest in them. In fact, I’m going to put this out there in a media forum and
apologize to any that I have hurt in my life as this was never my intention.
What if you’ve been hurt by someone? Remember we are all
imperfect. You can be certain that you’ve hurt someone along the way. Focus on
the positive aspects of your life, giving gratitude for these things. Another
useful tool might be to consider the person’s mind frame when they responded.
Also put yourself back before the hurt, remember the good this person brought
to your life, maybe they helped you with something or through a situation.
If you are working through a healing journey, you will find
that the positive things take longer to come to you. You might even give precedence
to the negative. You may even start believing things about yourself that are
outright lies, but I’ll talk more about this in next Thursday’s post: You Have
Blue Hair.
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