Releasing What No Longer Serves Us

Just before the buds were forming, I took time and really noticed the trees – seemingly bare with many shades of grey as the light reflected off them; standing tall, reaching toward the sun.  As I looked more closely, I observed some dried leaves from autumn that were still clinging to some of the branches.  The dried leaves were few and although one tree had five or six, another, one or two, the next had none.  I pondered the thought of the old-fashioned winter we just experienced and wondered how in the world these dried, dead leaves were able to hang on.

Next, the idea of us came to my mind.  How we too can hang onto things from the past that no longer serve us.  They may no longer have a purpose and serve us, yet we allow them to hang on.  Our dried leaves may be beliefs, stories, disempowering feelings, trapped emotions and more. 

Just like the trees, when the season changes, new growth bursts forth from within us; however, unlike the trees, we are still affected by these things that hang on and refuse to be released.  These things may not always be obvious to us and we may even think we let them go.  Meanwhile, they are running in the background in our subconscious mind. 

Like software running in our computer, they affect our performance.  When our computer is not working to its full potential, we may run a scan, defrag, troubleshoot, ask for guidance, and discover helpful tips to remedy the situation.  So what do we do for us?  How do we uncover the things that no longer serve us and release them, so we can live more in line with our full potential?

This is the journey.  This is the path we are on.  Just as the things that no longer serve us were left behind year after year, the journey of releasing them, takes time.  We are in the process of learning how to release them fully.  

Many articles here on I’m a Shining Soul have shared tools of self-discovery and healing.  As well, there are many ways yet to be discovered. 

Healing the past and releasing all that no longer serves us takes time, focus and effort, but it is so worth it!  As we release what no longer serves us, leaf by leaf, our soul shines ever more brightly!

~ Sherry Buikema

How Can I?

Along the way we meet many friends that teach us a great deal.  I often re-remember a teaching of my good friend and life/career coach, Brian.  I remember one occasion I said to him about an upcoming event, “I can’t come.”  He said back to me, “If you want to, why not ask, how can I?” 

Quite often we will make a blanket statement about our situation, feelings, etc. to ourselves and others.  With a statement, our minds are closed with no room for other possibilities.   It is a fact, a done deal, so-to-speak.  But what if there is something we truly want, should we give up on it so quickly?

As in the above example, we want to go and have fun with a group of friends and our responsibilities on the surface, seem to be stopping us.  Asking the question, “How can I?” opens up the possibilities.  Our brain has been given a task, a problem to solve.  It is very good at it!  Suddenly, it gives us all kinds of ideas on how to make something happen.

In the context of grieving over a loss in our life, we have talked in detail about honoring the grieving process.  With understanding, compassion, self-love, and gently allowing ourselves to experience the steps we need to go through.  All of this is very important, with each person taking the time they need.  Eventually, we begin to notice that we no longer want to feel this way.  We recognize that this event can no longer be a determining factor of our happiness.  We are ready to move forward. 

For a long time we may even say, if only to ourselves, “I can’t let that go!”  Then one day, when we are ready, we will ask ourselves “How can I?”  Look out because when we ask this question, our whole life begins to change!  Our mind responds with ideas, people around us speak randomly about tools and tips; teachers, books, radio, television, internet articles and more come into our awareness with great speed and ease!

The question “How can I?” can be applied to every aspect of our life.  The question has the power to orchestrate the world around us, bringing us the people and resources we need to reach our goal.  It is as if the people and things around us are puppets on a string, waiting to come into our path at just the right moment.

All we did is change our mind, moving from a closed stand on the subject, to being open to possibilities; possibilities for growth, self-discovery and healing on all levels.  By opening to these new ways, we begin to lovingly take back our power; the power to create our life with more joy than we could have imagined.

When we recognize that this has happened many times in our life already and will continue to happen with grace and ease, our heart overflows with gratitude for the masterpiece that is our life!

~ Sherry Buikema

E+R=O

On our path we encounter many teachers by way of friends, family and authors.  Through books, CDs, DVDs and seminars we can learn many helpful things.

One of the many teachers that have impacted us is Jack Canfield, co-creator of Chicken Soup for the Soul.  My husband and I have really benefited from his audios on personal growth.  We even went to one of his seminars in Toronto. 

Although we learned many things from Jack, there is one tool he shared that impressed upon me the power we have to make a choice. This tool is in the form of an equation, E+R=O.

E stands for Event – This could be anything from a loss, as we have been discussing, to an everyday event we may encounter.

  To name a few examples—someone cuts you off in traffic, someone says something hurtful, a family member does something inconsiderate, something breaks down and the list goes on.

R stands for Response -- Typically, when these things happen, we React to them, but what if we were to choose a response instead?

O stands for Outcome – Our responses will in turn bring us an outcome.

So here you have it:

E                      +                      R                     =                      O

Event               +                     Response         =                     Outcome

Another way to look at this equation is to ask “How would I like things to turn out?” By thinking of our “desired outcome” first, we can then choose an appropriate response. 

Basically, we are changing the equation, (like we used to do in math) to:

Event               -                       Outcome         =                      Response

If we simply react, we may end up further away from our desired outcome.  By giving conscious thought to the outcome we would like to see, we can choose the response that is more apt to get us there.

In this way, we are not allowing the event to evoke a reaction.  We are taking back our power, the power to choose!

~ Sherry Buikema