How Can I?

Along the way we meet many friends that teach us a great deal.  I often re-remember a teaching of my good friend and life/career coach, Brian.  I remember one occasion I said to him about an upcoming event, “I can’t come.”  He said back to me, “If you want to, why not ask, how can I?” 

Quite often we will make a blanket statement about our situation, feelings, etc. to ourselves and others.  With a statement, our minds are closed with no room for other possibilities.   It is a fact, a done deal, so-to-speak.  But what if there is something we truly want, should we give up on it so quickly?

As in the above example, we want to go and have fun with a group of friends and our responsibilities on the surface, seem to be stopping us.  Asking the question, “How can I?” opens up the possibilities.  Our brain has been given a task, a problem to solve.  It is very good at it!  Suddenly, it gives us all kinds of ideas on how to make something happen.

In the context of grieving over a loss in our life, we have talked in detail about honoring the grieving process.  With understanding, compassion, self-love, and gently allowing ourselves to experience the steps we need to go through.  All of this is very important, with each person taking the time they need.  Eventually, we begin to notice that we no longer want to feel this way.  We recognize that this event can no longer be a determining factor of our happiness.  We are ready to move forward. 

For a long time we may even say, if only to ourselves, “I can’t let that go!”  Then one day, when we are ready, we will ask ourselves “How can I?”  Look out because when we ask this question, our whole life begins to change!  Our mind responds with ideas, people around us speak randomly about tools and tips; teachers, books, radio, television, internet articles and more come into our awareness with great speed and ease!

The question “How can I?” can be applied to every aspect of our life.  The question has the power to orchestrate the world around us, bringing us the people and resources we need to reach our goal.  It is as if the people and things around us are puppets on a string, waiting to come into our path at just the right moment.

All we did is change our mind, moving from a closed stand on the subject, to being open to possibilities; possibilities for growth, self-discovery and healing on all levels.  By opening to these new ways, we begin to lovingly take back our power; the power to create our life with more joy than we could have imagined.

When we recognize that this has happened many times in our life already and will continue to happen with grace and ease, our heart overflows with gratitude for the masterpiece that is our life!

~ Sherry Buikema

Embracing Change

The media is famous for highlighting the movies and music of the year.

What about us, what is our re-cap, our review of the last year?  What were some of the highlights – the joys, successes, sorrows, experiences and growth opportunities?  What goals did we reach?  If we did a video, what would that look like?  Stop for a few minutes and think about that.

This has always been a reflective time of year.  It is a check point of sorts.  A good practice is to reflect back and journal where we were at the beginning of the last year and where we are now.   We can ask ourselves some great questions:  How do we feel about ourselves and our current circumstances?  What are we grateful for and what would we like to change?

Change means to make or become different.  So how can we become different or make our circumstances different?  First of all, we have to identify what it is we want to be different.  If there was nothing stopping you, what would you change about you and your situation?

Change usually means there is something we need to do or give up.  We have to pay a price of either time or money, and it may be inconvenient, even painful.  We might say: “Sure I want change but, I am not sure about the price.”

A friend asked a question once that really stuck with me: “Which would you rather have, the pain of change or the pain of regret?”

So how do we avoid the pain of regret?  If we start right away by listing all the things we should and shouldn’t do, change can be a pain and we may give up before we begin.

As an example let’s take the typical resolution of improving our weight while we think of the following tips.  Obviously, these tips can apply to anything we would like to change, such as a better relationship or a better, more fulfilling career.

The easiest way to achieve change is by focusing on the end result.  Why do you want it?  What will it feel like when it is accomplished?  What will it look like?  Be with it, taking time each day and visualize how it will be with all of your five senses.  Bring your goal to life by feeling the passion and enthusiasm of accomplishing it!  Cut out a picture or use a photograph that represents your goal and look at it daily.  When you really desire something, it becomes your focus and you think about it all the time.  Help yourself by getting to the place of real desire for the change you wish to see!

Next, make an affirmation that is fun and makes you happy when you say it.  Here is an example:  “I am happy and alive at 125.  I look and feel great!”  Create the affirmation that is right for you.  It should always be in the positive and present tense beginning with “I am.” 

Daily, in the morning and the evening spend some time, even if it is only ten minutes.  You have ten minutes.  Sit quietly and feel the feelings of your accomplished goal and repeat your affirmation.  Remember to smile!  Maybe even place your picture with the affirmation on your fridge.

Now begin to look at the steps you will take to reach your goal.  Outline what new healthy choices you will make in regards to the food you eat and the exercise you engage in.  Plan how often and what time of day you will incorporate these new healthy choices.

Then carry out your plan.  Look out there may be some inconvenience and pain here.  You may have to chop some vegetables, or cut up some carrot sticks to keep in the fridge for television snacking time.  When it feels like a pain, keep in mind what you desire and the reward that will come from your efforts.  It will be worth it!

In the end, it is our choice.  We can change or we can just keep doing things the same old way.  Albert Einstein’s quote comes to mind.  “The definition of insanity:  Doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

A healthier more energetic way of being could be our different result.  As can, anything we desire.  We will have to do something different though.  So let’s picture it, feel it, desire it, say it and experience the change we want to see!

~ Sherry Buikema