YOU ARE Important

Do you equate importance with money and fame? Do you measure your self-worth based on your physical appearance?

If so, you need to dig much deeper to find your true value. True value comes from your heart, soul, mind—spirit. You are a powerful, sentient being who rises above what this world uses as a measuring stick for success and importance.

What makes YOU important? First, know that you were the moment you were given life. You are unique, no one talks like you, looks like you, thinks like you. And, most certainly, no one can live your life for you. That fact alone makes you important.

Repeat this truth and make it your heartfelt belief—YOU ARE ONE OF A KIND.

Think about that for a moment. One of a kind artifacts are rare, but they are also priceless. There isn’t a monetary value you can attach to them. How much more so is this true when it comes to you—a living being!

Why is it so often that as humans we base level of importance on financial success? Maybe it’s because we’ve been hurt, or we’re low. We can use money, or success, to hide behind, to derive comfort from. If we’re absorbed with chasing a buck, there isn’t time to reflect and ‘be.’

Think of Linus (from Charlie Brown) walking around with his blanket all the time. Metaphorically, is that how you picture yourself when it comes to your thoughts on self-worth? Do you shrink back and find ‘escape’ through distorted perceptions your importance? Do you medicate with alcohol or drugs to avoid true reflection? 

Just remember this: If all you had was yourself in this world, you would still be important!

How Can I?

Along the way we meet many friends that teach us a great deal.  I often re-remember a teaching of my good friend and life/career coach, Brian.  I remember one occasion I said to him about an upcoming event, “I can’t come.”  He said back to me, “If you want to, why not ask, how can I?” 

Quite often we will make a blanket statement about our situation, feelings, etc. to ourselves and others.  With a statement, our minds are closed with no room for other possibilities.   It is a fact, a done deal, so-to-speak.  But what if there is something we truly want, should we give up on it so quickly?

As in the above example, we want to go and have fun with a group of friends and our responsibilities on the surface, seem to be stopping us.  Asking the question, “How can I?” opens up the possibilities.  Our brain has been given a task, a problem to solve.  It is very good at it!  Suddenly, it gives us all kinds of ideas on how to make something happen.

In the context of grieving over a loss in our life, we have talked in detail about honoring the grieving process.  With understanding, compassion, self-love, and gently allowing ourselves to experience the steps we need to go through.  All of this is very important, with each person taking the time they need.  Eventually, we begin to notice that we no longer want to feel this way.  We recognize that this event can no longer be a determining factor of our happiness.  We are ready to move forward. 

For a long time we may even say, if only to ourselves, “I can’t let that go!”  Then one day, when we are ready, we will ask ourselves “How can I?”  Look out because when we ask this question, our whole life begins to change!  Our mind responds with ideas, people around us speak randomly about tools and tips; teachers, books, radio, television, internet articles and more come into our awareness with great speed and ease!

The question “How can I?” can be applied to every aspect of our life.  The question has the power to orchestrate the world around us, bringing us the people and resources we need to reach our goal.  It is as if the people and things around us are puppets on a string, waiting to come into our path at just the right moment.

All we did is change our mind, moving from a closed stand on the subject, to being open to possibilities; possibilities for growth, self-discovery and healing on all levels.  By opening to these new ways, we begin to lovingly take back our power; the power to create our life with more joy than we could have imagined.

When we recognize that this has happened many times in our life already and will continue to happen with grace and ease, our heart overflows with gratitude for the masterpiece that is our life!

~ Sherry Buikema

Letting Go

One of the hardest things in this life is the balancing of priorities with our dreams and desires. But it doesn’t have to be this way. We can let go and allow ourselves to be. We are ultimately the sole deciding factor in life’s equation. 

Yes, there are times when things happen in our lives outside our control. We feel pulled this way and that, like we are a piece of fabric blowing in the wind, but what if our life lesson in this moment is to learn to let go? To go with the flow? To follow the prodding of our heart and soul?

There will be many excuses, maybe even valid obligations that prevent you from doing what would ultimately feed your soul, but you have to take advantage of the nudges you feel to follow your soul’s path. This is for your healing, your discovery, your ultimate wellbeing.

You know what? It’s okay to surrender, it’s okay to drop things and go off last minute if you are following a direction the Universe is pointing you in. When you do, this is when miracles happen. You uncover your truth, your purpose, your divine path—and you’re the only one that can live yours for you.

Embrace your inner beauty, your magnetic draw to a place, person, thing, or hobby. You are being pulled to your destination for a goal. You might not even know what that is, but trust me, it will be made known in time.

I follow my own advice. I’m writing this article from my sister’s great room, what she has labeled her healing room. I do give it that ability. The energy and the beautiful surroundings, the wind singing in the trees resonates through every fiber in my being, lifting me up to a more spiritual plane of existence.  And I wouldn’t be here right now if it wasn’t for following an inner nudge. You see, going back 48 hours I didn’t even know I would be here. I booked train tickets last minute to come down, but I had been mentioning coming here for weeks. It built up inside me to the point where I could no longer ignore the prompting of the Universe.

Now, I’m here? I know that it was my purpose at this point in my life. It reminded both myself and my sister that, you know what, it’s okay to slow down a bit, take life as it comes, exist in the now. This is my first morning waking up here and it’s not even noon and I’ve experienced enlightenment and healing.

I feel completely blessed that I am even but a visitor, and welcome guest in her home and to her property. Nature holds the key to healing, to taking the blur of our lives and slowing it down to a frame-by-frame snapshot. You don’t always get that ability in the city. There’s the hurried pace of making a living, traffic, and distraction with media. Yet, with this said, even when surrounded by the beauty of nature, one can allow themselves to become deviated from their course if they are not careful.  We all need to remember to breathe, to follow our inner nudges. Trust me, even from this experience so far, this getaway is exactly what my soul needed.

Reclaiming Your Soul from Alcohol Addiction

When we’re hurting, our natural tendency is to will it away, to suppress it, to tamp it down and bury it away. A lot of times we can turn to alcohol to ‘numb’ these feelings so that we can find happiness. However, this type of ‘happiness’ is only an illusion.  While we might notice a more positive attitude develop within us--at first--alcohol actually has the opposite long-term effect.

Trust me when I share this article with you. I am pulling from my own life experience. In a past post, I mentioned three things that would make me happy as an individual. They were eating fish, exercising, and limiting alcohol.  I took the challenge to heart and the results have been life-changing.

Somewhere in the midst of cutting back on alcohol, I’ve found that I don’t need it, like I used to think I did. Sadly, it took reaching a very low point for me to come to this conclusion and the experience actually changed my view of drinking.

I’ve always enjoyed a nice glass, or two, of an alcoholic beverage. With my personal heartbreak, it became more than a glass or two. Instead of drinking for fun, or as a social endeavor, I was using it to escape. How much could I drink?

What a dangerous downhill slide I was on. At my lowest point, I remember breaking down about the pain I was in. I heard myself crying, heard the words I was saying, and in the back of my mind, it was as if I were a spectator. I didn’t want to feel this way ever again. No one has the right to make me hurt this badly.  From that point, I realized how alcohol affected my balance in life. In fact, it tilted it so far off balance that if I didn’t get a handle on it, I wouldn’t accomplish my life’s goals.

So what did I do?  Well, I had been thinking about the effects of alcohol on me for a while. I started recording how I felt after I drank. I found that in most cases, I was more negative in the days following than when I abstained from alcohol. I also found that hard alcohol vs. wine affected me differently. Whiskey, vodka, and liquors brought me down. When I started listening to my body, the results were immediate. With wine, beer, or cider, I found that I didn’t have the downward pull. Most importantly, I couldn’t mix my alcohol or overindulge without paying for it with a negative spirit--the opposite direction of where I wanted to go.

I gave myself a challenge--one week, no alcohol.  During the week I made notes of how I was feeling. Wow! What a difference!  The negative emotions in me were transformed into positive thinking. Ideas came to me. I had a clearer vision of what I wanted out of life.

This experiment was a few months ago, and I’m proud to say that my outlook is entirely different. My view of alcohol has changed from ‘needing’ a drink, to having a small glass or two of wine, when I really want to enjoy the flavor. I don’t want to dull my senses. I have too much to live for, too much that I want to do with my life. Also, somewhere in there I found forgiveness for those who hurt me.

Let yourself shine without the dulling effects of alcohol. You’ll be more positive for it, effectively deal with any negative or hurt feelings, and reach your life’s ambitions free of being weighed down by this dangerous, life-sucking, habit.

Quick check list:

1) Record how you feel after drinking. Do you feel better, or worse emotionally?

2) Further pry into how you feel after a certain type of alcohol. You might find they all affect you negatively, or maybe only certain kinds.

3) Challenge yourself. Abstain for a week and record how you feel. Alcohol stays in the system for days after drinking it. This allows you to clean the slate as it were.

4) Bask in your clear mind and positive outlook. Realize you’re worth so much more than that amber liquid in a glass.

5) Shine like nobody else’s business!

Loving Myself

Along the way teachers and books talked about the importance of loving oneself.  They say that the first step on the road to self-empowerment is Love and Forgiveness of self.  Most of us have been taught to love others, but, loving ourselves? Isn’t that a little self-centered? Others may say, “Sure I love myself.”

When I love someone, I spend time with them. I enjoy their company. I speak to them with respect, consideration, support, encouragement and compassion when they experience a hurt or loss.  When asked, I may even lovingly offer helpful ideas to assist them.  I do all this with my kind attention, gentle words, and helpful actions.

What about me?  Don’t I need these things too?  What is wrong with giving them to me?

The answer is nothing… but do I?

In reflecting on this a few good questions came to mind that I could ask myself.

1. What kind of attention do I give myself?  Do I make time for me?  Do I enjoy my own company? 

2. What kind of gentle words do I use to speak to myself?  I have internal self-talk, about everything, everybody and every situation.  Mostly I am making judgements about them.  My mind likes to label everything and put them in categories of like or don’t like.  

What does my internal self-talk sound like when I am talking to me about me?  Quite often I have a list of judgements about myself, convincing me I am not good enough. Does that sound loving?  Or would it be better if my internal dialogue sounded like this:

I’ve come a long way already.

I am right on the track.

I can do it!

I am doing great!

I am learning and growing from this!

I am special!

I have lots to offer others!

I am loved!

It is too easy to get into a negative spiral with myself.  Maybe I can start taking the not-so-easy way of choosing loving, kind words to support and encourage myself in moving forward.

  

3. What loving, helpful ideas do I have for myself to assist me in moving forward? 

I can take better care of my body by healthier eating and exercise.

I can take a walk, getting fresh air or being in nature.

I can read a book, take a workshop or retreat for fun or to help me on my path.

I can begin a new hobby or renew a hobby that brings me joy.

I can journal and record my gratitude for the blessings in my life.

I can help others in some way, maybe volunteering.

I can argue that I love myself, but do I really?  Do I give the time, gentle words and helpful actions to myself that I would to someone I love.

Loving me is my choice.  Maybe, just maybe, if I truly love myself, I will shine more and have more love to share with others.

~ Sherry Buikema

Footnote:

I have been going back and forth with the perspective of you, me and us wondering how to share the information of my journey.  Seeing as when we express ourselves we are really talking to ourselves, going forward I have decided to write from the “I” context.  However, the thoughts and ideas expressed do not just belong to me they belong to all of us.  As we have all experienced similar things, they are mine, yours and ours.  In gratitude I share this journey with you.