The Me I see in You

As I enter the room I notice you there

Waiting to be seen, waiting to share

I see reflections of sadness in your eye

With shyness, you glance up at the sky

Self-conscious of how you may appear

With nervousness you share that I may hear

Of weights, of hurts, of pain and grief

Next acknowledging the ways you gain relief

Your inner dialogue re-plays its tape

An imagined conversation takes a shape

Will you admire my strength and my courage?

Or a need for confidence, you want to encourage?

Do you like the clothes I wear?

What of my makeup and my hair?

Do you understand and accept my choice?

That I’m okay, let me hear your voice.

In addition, I see sparks coming from within

From where does it come?  Where does it begin?

Uncovering a Shining Soul for all to see

A Divine expression that just wants to be

Accepted and respected, close and afar

With non-judgement, seen as you truly are

All this and more, is the me I see in you

Looking back at me, you see you too

~ Sherry Buikema 

The Power of Words

We’re familiar with the fact that we can control the outcome to most situations.* Even if we’re not in direct control, we have the choice to react how we want. These reactions, in turn, create new outcomes. While it would be completely exhausting and tiring to analyze every single event in our life, breaking it down, and deciding how to respond, if we want to reach a desired outcome we have to give it attention. We have to give it thought.

So often in the world around us, people act without thinking. They speak or take action with little, or no, thought about its affect on other people. Many reason ‘well they can take it however they like.’  However, what sort of attitude is that?

If you are on a new course of enlightenment, of self-discovery, your aim will never be guided by malicious or selfish intention. You appreciate how precious life is and how every person is due a level of respect. We are, after all, sentient beings not to be labeled by transitory terms of description.

There are, however, times when we find ourselves in a situation which is the outcome of something we’ve created in our past. This may not even be an action or something we said on purpose. Maybe it was never intended to hurt this other person but they have built the ‘event’ in their minds and are so wounded by it that they lash out at us. This creates new pain for us. How can we can deal with this?

One, remember that you are not perfect. (Yes, I know I’m going against all modern philosophy on this matter.) But no one is in control of their thoughts, their words, their actions 100% of the time. It would be impossible.  There are times we in the heat of a moment and respond birthed from emotion. We’re not thinking logically in these moments.  When our guard slips, this is when we can hurt others unintentionally.

However, the times when we are under pressure is when we need to focus. These moments, the ones where we’re affected the most emotionally, are the times we need to analyze the outcome.

Words have the ability to strike the heart and deflate ambitions, cause depression, and in extreme cases bullying with words (and/or action) have led some to commit suicide.  Needless to say we would never want to be a contributing factor to someone taking their life!

What if you find out you hurt someone by your words or actions? Approach them with the goal of peacefully resolving the issue that spurned the response. Apologize.

What if you think you hurt someone? What does it hurt to approach them? Reach out to them. Show interest in them. In fact, I’m going to put this out there in a media forum and apologize to any that I have hurt in my life as this was never my intention.

What if you’ve been hurt by someone? Remember we are all imperfect. You can be certain that you’ve hurt someone along the way. Focus on the positive aspects of your life, giving gratitude for these things. Another useful tool might be to consider the person’s mind frame when they responded. Also put yourself back before the hurt, remember the good this person brought to your life, maybe they helped you with something or through a situation.

If you are working through a healing journey, you will find that the positive things take longer to come to you. You might even give precedence to the negative. You may even start believing things about yourself that are outright lies, but I’ll talk more about this in next Thursday’s post: You Have Blue Hair.

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*See the post E+R=O

It's Okay to Feel

Now that I’ve started down this path of sharing my experience, there’s a part of me that knows some of you have undergone such ordeals in your life, that I feel mine pales by comparison. But I've told myself not to feel this way. Anything that affects me so deeply that my emotions and life course are altered due to it, I have the right to experience and express these feelings. And thereby, others who are going through life-changing experiences can (hopefully) be inspired and realize that what they are going through is completely normal.

There’s a certain level of shame that comes with admitting heartbreak, a stigmatism we’ve tattooed on the emotion. As if by feeling, we’re weak.

That’s far from the truth. In fact, I assure you that is quite the opposite of the truth.

I do not have a PHD, or some fancy background in psychology, I am just your “girl next door”, but I’m sharing the emotions and the cycles I’m working through to hopefully help others struggling through ordeals in their lives.

I believe the first step is admission that you have a right to feel. You might reason, ‘The world doesn’t want to hear my problems. They just want to hear about when I’m happy and have excitement to spread.’

This, in my opinion, is one fault of the modern world. It breeds in those who are depressed that they should retreat and isolate themselves until they are ‘feeling better’. It provides fuel to a volatile situation because we cannot heal in darkness.

Now, I realize that it’s a proven fact that positive energy attracts, but you have the right to feel the way you are. Acknowledge that you have the right to take things how you emotionally respond, regardless of how others may feel about your reaction.

No one person on this planet is happy all the time. Remember that.

You’ll have people, I have no doubt, who may look on your situation and say “get it together”, “why are you so emotional”, “will you stop crying”.

Sometimes these voices even come from within. They can originate from ‘programming’ through our childhood.

Here’s a good question, why are we trying to silence our emotions when they are trying to tell us something is wrong?

If you were sick with a fever, would you dismiss the symptoms—the lightheartedness, the dizziness, and the fact that an untreated fever can hurt you long-term? Or would you seek medical help?

The answer is obvious. You would seek medical treatment.

So, why when your heart, mind, and soul are telling you ‘something is out of whack here’, ‘I’m hurting’, ‘I feel lost’, do you ignore it?

Did you know that if you bury these feelings of hurt, that they are never going to leave your system? You are laying the foundation for future stress-related illness, whether you may realize it or not.

How can you progress in your healing journey? Here are a few things:

1) Write down what you are grateful for every day. It doesn’t have to be grandiose things. Maybe a stranger smiled at you, a baby giggled, someone held the door open for you or brought you a coffee. Be grateful for life and every aspect of it, no matter how minute. When dwelling on what we are thankful for, the negative emotions are tampered down.

I’ll help you with this one. I’ve added gratitude post to the “I am a Shining Soul” Facebook page with a quick link to it on the right-hand sidebar. Share what you're grateful for. You can do it throughout the day, once a day,  or however many times you feel inclined. By sharing with the community, you’ll also help lift up others.

2) Record your feelings in a journal. Like me initially, you might not think you need to do this, but it is helpful.

3) Think of others and help them. It is said that the best way to help ourselves is to help others. We need each other. Our energies combine to make the world what it is. Are we contributing to a positive society? This is something that will take more time because when we’re low, we retreat and desire to isolate ourselves.

4) Remain encouraged. If you have a light inside, no matter how faint, that is telling you that you have the right to be you then you are on the right path.

Closing thoughts:

Most of us are familiar with Superman and Kryptonite. View positive feelings, emotions, and energy as the ultimate Kryptonite against negative feelings, emotions and energy.

-- Carolyn Arnold