Happiness is a Choice, Not a By-product

We’ve discussed this topic on this blog before, but it’s one that I’ve been inspired to write about again. It’s so common for people to assign things, people, and circumstances as the determining factor in their happiness. They think that once this or that happens, they’ll be happy. They believe that their happiness, confidence, and life’s purpose hinges on other people’s opinions or feelings. They allow themselves to get discouraged by other people’s responses, but remember YOU ARE COMPLETE!

The only one who can determine your happiness is yourself—no one else. You do not require someone else’s approval for the choices you make. Your life purpose is a calling made to you alone and you’re the only one capable of pulling it off.

Can you imagine if a doctor who treated a loved one was discouraged by family members or friends? Maybe they would have given up because of all the long hours involved in receiving their education. What if they decided it wasn’t worth it, because of other people’s opinion, and got a job at a department store? Maybe your loved one never would have found the same treatment with someone else.

Can you imagine if artists never painted? Writers never wrote? Singers never sang? And the list goes on. The world would be a very dull place. Not to mention one that was crippled and didn’t function properly.

Think too of those who were pioneers in their field. The Wright brothers who invented the airplane. The world at that time probably thought they were crazy. What about Graham Bell who invented the phone? Or Thomas Edison who invented the light bulb? What if the Internet was never invented?

Are you getting the point? You are vital to this world. Your life purpose was gifted to YOU for YOU to share with others. Please, choose happiness—it only belongs to you—and live your purpose.

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CAROLYN ARNOLD is the author of several published novels, including her best-selling Madison Knight series. Her love for writing dates back to her teen years, but it was only in recent years that she was reunited with this love to pursue it with career passion.

www.carolynarnold.net

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Detachment -- The Key to Happiness and Abundance

As human beings we often measure our success by material possessions, relationships, or our reputation. If we're not careful we can stake so much importance on these areas that we lose sight of who we really are--a great and powerful infinite being.

We begin to allow our self-worth, the definition of self, to become contingent upon external factors. By doing so, we're missing out on the real key to both happiness and abundance.  See our happiness depends on one thing--us. It is up to us to choose this state of existence for ourselves; it is not hinged upon this or that, or until, as if some fabricated future holds the secret. No, our happiness and abundance depends on detachment.

To detach ourselves, this simply means that we allow energy to flow naturally and freely. We don't fight what is, we don't try to change things outside of our control. Detachment means that while may enjoy nice things, our world wouldn't crash to end if they were taken away from us. We can become attached to stuff, other people and their opinions, to the past, to form, to ideas and being right, to money, and to winning.

When it comes to materialistic things, if we are detached, we realize that they will be ours for a time and then pass on to the next person to enjoy. We realize that everything we are given is here for a limited time.

Wayne W. Dyer put it simply in his book, You'll See It When You Believe It, said:

"If you wonder about the difference between attachment and enjoyment, ask yourself how you would react if suddenly an object you value was gone--stolen, broken, lost, or whatever. Would you be distorted with anger and worry? Would you become immobilized and unable to function effectively with yourself and your loved ones? This is attachment."

Being detached in our relationships, we value the differences that exist between us and the other person. We don't try to change, or possess, them.

It's also possible that we may allow other people, and their opinions of us, to shape who we are and influence the choices we make. We might hold back from living our true purpose if we allow ourselves to become attached to their mindset. For example, if you're in the arts, and addicted (attached) to feedback, you might become discouraged by negative or hurtful comments. This serves no purpose other than to interrupt the energy flow. Living in a state of detachment is much the same as surrender. We let the external wash over of us. We don't soak it in.

By focusing on being ourselves, we let the energy flow, and the more freely it does, we will not only experience more happiness, but we will attract abundance.

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CAROLYN ARNOLD is the author of several published novels, including her best-selling Madison Knight series. Her love for writing dates back to her teen years, but it was only in recent years that she was reunited with this love to pursue it with career passion.

www.carolynarnold.net

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For an in-depth discussion on this topic, I recommend Wayne W. Dyer's book, You'll See It When You Believe It.

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Allow Yourself Time to Play

All of us can easily rhyme off a list of things we need to do, should do, have to do...but what if someone asked you what you want to do? Would your answer include one thing, or a few things?

That want to list is probably shorter but it rarely gets checked off. We put everything else ahead of what our soul wants to do. So instead of feeding our soul, we suppress it and essentially tell ourselves we're not allowed to do what we want until...

Well, that's no way to live. What if until never comes? What if today was your last alive? Even without getting that dramatic, at the end of the day are you satisfied or do you experience regrets? Do you wish you would have just...?

I know there have been many days, I've been guilty of these types of regrets. But, life is too short, and it's meant to be about the journey, about meeting new people, making new friends, feeding your soul. Follow wherever the prodding takes you. Stop making excuses for not doing them. 

Feed your soul first, follow your truth, and the rest will fall into place. In fact, if you take the time to do what you want to do, I bet you'll accomplish even more of the have to-do list. You'll be invigorated and recharged to face these responsibilities.

I have promised myself to do just this, and so far, I'm a much happier and fulfilled person. I'm also going to reserve every weekend just for "play" whether that be going out with friends or reading in my backyard, basically whatever moves me in the moment. I promise to enjoy life more "outside of the box," meaning my computer and take time out for my soul.

YOU ARE Important

Do you equate importance with money and fame? Do you measure your self-worth based on your physical appearance?

If so, you need to dig much deeper to find your true value. True value comes from your heart, soul, mind—spirit. You are a powerful, sentient being who rises above what this world uses as a measuring stick for success and importance.

What makes YOU important? First, know that you were the moment you were given life. You are unique, no one talks like you, looks like you, thinks like you. And, most certainly, no one can live your life for you. That fact alone makes you important.

Repeat this truth and make it your heartfelt belief—YOU ARE ONE OF A KIND.

Think about that for a moment. One of a kind artifacts are rare, but they are also priceless. There isn’t a monetary value you can attach to them. How much more so is this true when it comes to you—a living being!

Why is it so often that as humans we base level of importance on financial success? Maybe it’s because we’ve been hurt, or we’re low. We can use money, or success, to hide behind, to derive comfort from. If we’re absorbed with chasing a buck, there isn’t time to reflect and ‘be.’

Think of Linus (from Charlie Brown) walking around with his blanket all the time. Metaphorically, is that how you picture yourself when it comes to your thoughts on self-worth? Do you shrink back and find ‘escape’ through distorted perceptions your importance? Do you medicate with alcohol or drugs to avoid true reflection? 

Just remember this: If all you had was yourself in this world, you would still be important!

You Deserve to be Happy

Life can rain down us but we can still be happy!

As people we will hurt each other, there is no question, but when it gets to the point that our heart is broken by it (as is the case of an ended relationship), we have to realize we have the right to be happy. This realization may sound straightforward, but, trust me, it’s a tough one.

When my parents and two sisters decided that it was best to go our separate ways, I struggled with my right to be happy. I didn’t think I deserved happiness. After all, my family, the people I loved most in the world, were fine to go on without me.

In some ways, it really hit me as worse than death. I know some of you will protest that thought, but when someone dies, it wasn’t their choice. For a loved one to choose to leave you, that one really cuts deep.

Thinking back on this emotion (I have worked beyond this one at this point), I remember thinking when I was having a bad day, ‘oh they’d be happy today.’ I attributed negative emotions as coming from them, that somehow they were feeding on my lows. I came to realize that’s not the case, and really, what would it matter if it were.

I have the right to be happy.

Repeat that to yourself many times if you have to, until you believe it.

For me, this realization came at my first book signing. I was in my element. I shared the event with other authors and it was terrific to get to know them, and I had face-to-face contact with readers. How amazing! I was so happy and high from this experience, I realized that I not only do I have the right to be happy without them, I was.

When I realized that I was happy, my thinking changed.

It’s ironic, as you work through the healing process, you will have good days and bad. But when I reflect back on how I used to feel—unworthy and undeserving—I found that I got angry that I ever felt this way.

The anger was directed at myself for ever handing over control of my happiness to another person. And the thing is, I was doing this all from within myself. Like I said, I attributed these negative implications as coming from them. As if I didn’t have enough that I was working through—rejection, a broken heart, guilt, etc.—I thought I’d add ‘I deserve to be miserable’ to my list.

No more!

In fact in preparing this post, I had to utilize another thing that I have come to learn as a powerful tool to recover from loss—forgiveness. I had to forgive, not them in this case, but me. I was the one hurting myself.

Here’s some things that may help you realize you deserve to be happy:

- Do something that makes you happy.

- Think of the last time you were really happy and focus on why. Remember those feelings.

- Take back control. Don’t let yourself be a puppet on strings.

- Don’t project intentions on other people.

- Write in a journal what you are thankful for. (I know this has been said before but it can’t be stressed enough. When you start focusing on the positive, you’ll likely realize that you already are happy.)