The Me I see in You

As I enter the room I notice you there

Waiting to be seen, waiting to share

I see reflections of sadness in your eye

With shyness, you glance up at the sky

Self-conscious of how you may appear

With nervousness you share that I may hear

Of weights, of hurts, of pain and grief

Next acknowledging the ways you gain relief

Your inner dialogue re-plays its tape

An imagined conversation takes a shape

Will you admire my strength and my courage?

Or a need for confidence, you want to encourage?

Do you like the clothes I wear?

What of my makeup and my hair?

Do you understand and accept my choice?

That I’m okay, let me hear your voice.

In addition, I see sparks coming from within

From where does it come?  Where does it begin?

Uncovering a Shining Soul for all to see

A Divine expression that just wants to be

Accepted and respected, close and afar

With non-judgement, seen as you truly are

All this and more, is the me I see in you

Looking back at me, you see you too

~ Sherry Buikema 

Thoughts and Feelings

Everyone has experienced a disagreement with someone or perhaps the ending of a relationship and for the life of us, we can’t get “the story” to stop replaying in our head.  It is like the REPEAT button is stuck on.  It’s going over and over what we said, they said, they did, we did… It consumes all of our mental energy.  This is how our mind attempts to solve the problem we have given it.  So how do these thoughts affect our feelings?  Do we usually feel better after repeating this dialogue in our head over and over?

For the most part, it reinforces and even magnifies the way we are feeling and we feel worse!  It also has a way of collecting more disempowering feelings such as helplessness, worthlessness, hopelessness and loneliness.  So where do we go from here, when we are ready?  When we have had enough of “the story” and the accompanying feelings, what can we do?

Journaling for ourselves is good way of acknowledging our feelings and elaborating on why we feel the way we do.  However, taking it a step further one of the best ways for me was writing a letter to the other person and expressing what I feel and why. If there is no longer open communication with that person, I may choose to place the letter in a sealed envelope.  (Some would suggest burning it, however, that is up to you.)  As I progressed on my healing journey, when new insights affected my perspective, I have even written a second and a third letter.

Somehow this process seems to help.  Although you may not send the letter, you were able to express your feelings and the thoughts that accompany them directed to the other person.  You got them out of you.  You made some space inside you - space that can now be used for choosing new thoughts, so that feelings of hope and self-empowerment can move in and begin to grow.

~ Sherry Buikema

Who AM I?

When we experience a significant loss in our life we might say “I AM hurt, I AM angry, I AM disappointed” and so on.  This is the typical way we express our feelings, like they define who we are.  However, is it the truth? Are we these things?

The words “I am” are very powerful!  Anything that follows “I am” denotes a strong belief and conviction, as a statement of who we are -- we hold to it, as if it was the truth about us, like we own it.

As we have discussed, our feelings are there for us, to get us to slow down our hectic schedules long enough to hear their message. A wonderful tool to use when we are acknowledging and listening to our feelings is to write in a journal.  I have found it very helpful to use the words “I feel” followed by the feeling such as, “I feel hurt, I feel angry, I feel disappointed.”  (Do you feel the difference? J)

By doing this, we place a little distance between ourselves and our feelings to allow for observation and perspective.  When we step back and observe our feelings this way, a glimmer of hope and self-empowerment stirs within us.  We no longer own it and now have the freedom to change the feelings if we want to.

Each experience we have in life is an opportunity for us to create who we are in response to it. So rather than defining ourselves by our feelings when we experience a loss, what if we asked, “Who am I now?” When responding, we can begin with “I am the one who….”

Before long we will remember “I am a shining soul.”

~ Sherry Buikema

It's Okay to Feel

Now that I’ve started down this path of sharing my experience, there’s a part of me that knows some of you have undergone such ordeals in your life, that I feel mine pales by comparison. But I've told myself not to feel this way. Anything that affects me so deeply that my emotions and life course are altered due to it, I have the right to experience and express these feelings. And thereby, others who are going through life-changing experiences can (hopefully) be inspired and realize that what they are going through is completely normal.

There’s a certain level of shame that comes with admitting heartbreak, a stigmatism we’ve tattooed on the emotion. As if by feeling, we’re weak.

That’s far from the truth. In fact, I assure you that is quite the opposite of the truth.

I do not have a PHD, or some fancy background in psychology, I am just your “girl next door”, but I’m sharing the emotions and the cycles I’m working through to hopefully help others struggling through ordeals in their lives.

I believe the first step is admission that you have a right to feel. You might reason, ‘The world doesn’t want to hear my problems. They just want to hear about when I’m happy and have excitement to spread.’

This, in my opinion, is one fault of the modern world. It breeds in those who are depressed that they should retreat and isolate themselves until they are ‘feeling better’. It provides fuel to a volatile situation because we cannot heal in darkness.

Now, I realize that it’s a proven fact that positive energy attracts, but you have the right to feel the way you are. Acknowledge that you have the right to take things how you emotionally respond, regardless of how others may feel about your reaction.

No one person on this planet is happy all the time. Remember that.

You’ll have people, I have no doubt, who may look on your situation and say “get it together”, “why are you so emotional”, “will you stop crying”.

Sometimes these voices even come from within. They can originate from ‘programming’ through our childhood.

Here’s a good question, why are we trying to silence our emotions when they are trying to tell us something is wrong?

If you were sick with a fever, would you dismiss the symptoms—the lightheartedness, the dizziness, and the fact that an untreated fever can hurt you long-term? Or would you seek medical help?

The answer is obvious. You would seek medical treatment.

So, why when your heart, mind, and soul are telling you ‘something is out of whack here’, ‘I’m hurting’, ‘I feel lost’, do you ignore it?

Did you know that if you bury these feelings of hurt, that they are never going to leave your system? You are laying the foundation for future stress-related illness, whether you may realize it or not.

How can you progress in your healing journey? Here are a few things:

1) Write down what you are grateful for every day. It doesn’t have to be grandiose things. Maybe a stranger smiled at you, a baby giggled, someone held the door open for you or brought you a coffee. Be grateful for life and every aspect of it, no matter how minute. When dwelling on what we are thankful for, the negative emotions are tampered down.

I’ll help you with this one. I’ve added gratitude post to the “I am a Shining Soul” Facebook page with a quick link to it on the right-hand sidebar. Share what you're grateful for. You can do it throughout the day, once a day,  or however many times you feel inclined. By sharing with the community, you’ll also help lift up others.

2) Record your feelings in a journal. Like me initially, you might not think you need to do this, but it is helpful.

3) Think of others and help them. It is said that the best way to help ourselves is to help others. We need each other. Our energies combine to make the world what it is. Are we contributing to a positive society? This is something that will take more time because when we’re low, we retreat and desire to isolate ourselves.

4) Remain encouraged. If you have a light inside, no matter how faint, that is telling you that you have the right to be you then you are on the right path.

Closing thoughts:

Most of us are familiar with Superman and Kryptonite. View positive feelings, emotions, and energy as the ultimate Kryptonite against negative feelings, emotions and energy.

-- Carolyn Arnold