Standing Tall in the Face of Loss

Loss has many different forms—the loss of a job, the break-up of a relationship, a divorce, or the huge one, the death of a loved one. It can be something we anticipate or it can come as a sideswipe. No matter what loss we are experiencing, the feelings and emotions surrounding it are real. We have the choice to let them swallow us whole, or surpass them and grow stronger.

When it comes to the loss of a job or material possessions, our attachment to these things can be very strong. We may have let ourselves become defined by these things. We have to remember, we are great and powerful sentient beings, we cannot be defined by objects. A great source on this is Eckhart Tolle. So often we have such a bond to the inanimate that we feel we cease to exist once they are taken away.

Maybe your concern isn’t so much the loss of the job, per se, but the reliable income—after all, we all have bills to pay. But as sentient beings, is there any reason we need to go without? The Universal Laws put into place assure us that our basic needs will always be taken care of. Think of the birds and other wildlife, they have shelter and food. Sometimes, they are fed by caring humans, but either way, they are provided for. Have faith and trust in the Universal Laws that you will also be taken care of.

We’ve also talked on this blog before about turning a negative situation into a positive one. Maybe now is your time to pursue a passion that will become the means by which you support yourself and/or your family. I’m a strong believer in things, such as job redirection or loss, being a gift. Not only will it give you time to re-examine your life’s course, but it will allow you pursue other means of making money you wouldn’t have before, or maybe you didn’t have the time before.

Other losses, such as the break-up of a relationship or divorce. Again, a striking blow and heartbreaking. For myself, I chose a different life course than my own flesh and blood. Due to this, they decided it's in their best interest not to communicate with me. It’s been a year since I’ve corresponded with my parents (even longer since I’ve seen them in person; and over a year since I communicated with two of my sisters) and, even though, this amount of time has passed, there are still many days I think of them, and am left shaking my head wondering why things have to be the way they are. But, here is the thing I circle back to—I have the right to be happy, I am happy. Despite all the heartache and pain, I am a stronger person. I have a clearer picture of who I am. None of this means I love them any less, but I also love myself!

Maybe, upon reflection and with the passing of time, you’ll also come to realize that the relationship break-up isn’t necessarily all negative. It’s possible that you were form-fitted, in other words, loved for being a certain way but not unconditionally. We all deserve to have people around us who love us for who we are, not what their picture is of us.  For myself, this painful time in my life inspired this blog, where not only I can heal but I can help others, even if it’s to let them know they are not alone. You might not want to begin a blog, but I highly recommend regular journalling and being with your thoughts and feelings.

This leaves us with the last loss mentioned above—death. This one makes me especially sick to my stomach. No one can ever be prepared for the loss of a loved one, even if that person has been fighting an illness or is older. Their memory will also be with you. It can haunt you. It can comfort you. The grieving cycle can continue for a long time. I believe it’s just important to be with your feelings—allow them. Don’t tamp them down with illogical reasoning such as I should be happy by now. No, everyone moves at a different pace. Listen to your heart and mind, be with your feelings, journal, don’t isolate yourself but reach out to others who are going through the same life experience.

I recently met a woman who I recognized as a special person within five minutes of talking to her. She worked full-time as a nurse and with that position faced a lot of death, but when her mother died suddenly she was devastated, and understandably so. What I admired in this woman is she didn’t shrink back from the world and drown in her grief, she stood tall. She came up with a business idea that would have her helping other grieving families by taking care of things that need to be attended to during such a difficult time. She offers to go in and make meals, tidy the house, pick up family members from the airport, and the list goes on. Now, it was her reason for creating this business that really touched me. She said that by doing this, she’s not only helping herself heal in the process but her true desire is to be there for other people and to help them. Wow. That is where true healing begins. When we give of ourselves to others, helping them, it comes back to us and the world is such a better place for it.

So next time you face a loss know that you can rise above it. It might take months or years, but you will and you can—if you choose to.

-- Carolyn Arnold